Divine Guiding Light

As I was working with a client the other day who was struggling with what to him seemed to be an impossible amount of change in his life to deal with…I reflected back for a moment on the life of a magician. As magicians we have called upon change to happen to us. We are alchemical tinctures in the work.
So we spoke for awhile and we set we talked about healthy change, I wanted to give this client of mine something more to think about. So I went home and did some reading through some philosophy texts. I was looking to help him set the stage of his life if you will…so I wanted to draw on some Plato to do it. As I was doing this research and writing, I was hit funny by how magic is such an amazing thing and how it manifests itself in our lives when we least expect it. As I was reading and writing I was amazed at how well this story parallels our journey as magicians. The struggle though change and the embracing of it.

Plato has a famous story about a cave of ignorance, the condition he thinks most people live in. Here chained prisoners, unable to see one another, see only the wall of the cave in front of them upon which appears shadows cast by small statuettes of animals and objects that are passed before the burning fire by people behind a low wall. The prisoners believe that the shadows they see are all there is in the world. By this imagery, Plato wants to show us that most people are ignorant of their true selves and reality. Although they are deeply ignorant, the cave dwellers are content with the "knowledge" they think they have. Then someone releases one of the prisoners…
Standing up and looking around him, the former prisoner now has a clearer perception of the cave he inhabits. Yet the light from the fire, which he has never seen before, hurts his eyes. In other words, he is pretty uncomfortable with his new knowledge. It even pains him and he wishes to return to his chained position. Aside from the literal experience of getting up and seeing this bright light for the first time, why would he experience distress and pain from learning something new?

Looking at himself in a new light would force him change the familiar image he had of himself and of the world he's been living in. He may have to change his former beliefs, values and ways of doing things. We as humans live to stay comfortable. We spend much of our time resisting change and attempting to stay where we are and where we "believe" we have control. When the light is shinned upon us and we see the cracks or flaws in us or way of thinking….few people welcome that kind of change in their lives.
Plato's story continues with the prisoner's rescuer encouraging him to search further until he is finally freed from the cave's limitations and finds and obtains a vision of Good, Plato's highest principle.

As magicians we must be ready to meet these changes and challenges head on with understanding and compassion. As magicians we must resist evil and also remain compassionate and ready to give forgiveness and love…unconditionally. As magicians and alchemists, we must be able to learn from our personal alchemy, which can be volatile and painful as we grow and change. As magicians we called upon this change to better ourselves and better serve the Lord Of The Universe… so we must not turn away from change when it comes our way.

Plato's story urges us to look beyond the familiar image each of us has of ourselves, so that we can be aware of our weaknesses. Being aware of our weaknesses, we are able to correct them. Once our weaknesses have been learned form and corrected, we have the stability of character that is desirable in both a guardian of light and magician. If someone displays the structure and qualities of justice, courage, compassion and unconditional love to the extent that it has become a habit for them to act in these ways, they can be counted on to do the right thing in the face of adversity.
So just as the former prisoner in Plato's cave at last sees the Good, we as magicians must see the Good in others, a recognition which motivates forgiveness and compassion. These two virtues drive out anger and hatred in the face of dark times and change so that we may rise above the evil and darkness. Forgiveness frees us to overlook transgressions made against us so that we need to carry around the burdens of resentment and hostility.

We must not turn away from the light just because it's too bright. We must be willing to always look at ourselves and be willing to grow…even if it's painful. We must stay on the path and do what is needed to bring down the light. Our alchemy at times might be painful, but it's through our trials that we grow stronger and closer to the divine.

I know all we can do is bring as much light down as possible, but there how do we strike a balance? I'm all for turning the other cheek, but at some point you run out of cheek and when both are bruised and bloody, what do you do? The only thing that comes to mind is Gandhi: "We must be the change we wish to see in the world.” Also his quote as saying “Whatever they do to us, we will attack no one, kill no one. They cannot take away our self respect if we do not give it to them. I am asking you to fight against their anger, not to provoke it. We will not strike a blow, but we will receive them. Through our pain we will make them see their injustice, and it will hurt as all fighting hurts. They may torture my body, break my bones, even kill me….then they will have my dead body, not my obedience and self respect. We are children of God each one of us…let us take a solemn oath in His name, that come what may, we will not submit.”

Part of me struggles with this because I have this pride that wants to fight against injustice or call someone out when I feel wronged or I feel I am being attacked, whether it is a physical or verbal attack. Part of me wants to fight against those who bash me. In the physical realm, yes I will fight to defend myself and keep myself alive; however, it’s the verbal attacks I struggle with. Part of me wants to walk away, but part of me wants to fight back and defend myself. I’ve been praying for understanding and patience and it’s been coming at me in the form of ultra needy clients at work, co-workers who seem clueless and people who challenge me mentally, emotionally and spiritually at every turn. I guess that the whole point huh? Praying for patience and understanding is not an instant thing delivered. God put those in our path who challenge us in those ways so we can develop patience and understanding.

Esoteric Order of the Golden Dawn & the Healer Robert Zink

One man…not the Order itself…but a large positive force within the Golden Dawn.

I had mixed feelings the first time I was getting ready to meet the man. I had been around others and heard stories and I also found some negative things on the internet about him. I had envisioned this “Occult Car Sales Man” and I honestly was not looking forward to meeting this man; however, I was at a point in my life where my health was taking a turn for the worst and I was persuaded by a dear friend to confide in Robert Zink what was happening and to get some healing work done by him.

I sat down with this man and we had a very pleasant conversation in regards to what was happening to me. I had discovered months before that I have a cyst in my brain and was causing me some serious medical issues such as severe headaches, uncontrollable shakes, nausea, vomiting, blacking out and to top it all off, brutal emotional turmoil. The Doctor who had helped me through cancer a couple of years before was not optimistic about it.

My Doctor wanted me to start chemo again in an attempt to shrink the cyst and due to the location of the cyst; surgery was not a real option. Surgery only had a 40% chance of success and even if it was a success, there was a high percentage chance that I would suffer a loss to my motor skills and mobility. After hearing all of this, relentless depression started to set in…yet another side effect of the cyst. The Doctor also informed me that the cyst may cause an emotional unbalance and wreak havoc with my emotional stability…hmmmmm….tell me something I don’t know.  

After explaining all this to him and giving some past history on myself, Robert Zink told me he was going to do some work on me and he also wrangled up some of the other amazing healers within the Golden Dawn. We did some intense Ruach Healing and also did some emotional healing techniques…all of which were amazingly effective. Robert then gave me his personal number and told me we were going to do weekly work until this thing was fixed. Robert Zink took it upon him as his personal mission to heal me.

Over the next few months I did once a week and sometimes twice a week sessions with him. My health dramatically improved but there was still much more work to be done. Late last year my health started to decline once again. The cyst had started to grow again and was now causing dangerous levels of pressure within my brain. The Doctor stated that if it continued to grow at its present rate, I would start having seizers and more black outs and I would most likely be dead in 6 month. So at the request of the Doctor I started Chemo once again right before Thanks Giving 2008. I had made the mistake of stepping away from what I was taught in the Golden Dawn and by Robert Zink with my magical work and I started to wholly rely on modern science.

December and January were deeply distressing & painful months. I got to the point where I confided in Robert once again and sought out healing, and once again I started up weekly healing sessions with him and I also started doing intense healing work with other adepts within the Golden Dawn. My health improved dramatically and quickly. I say this to you now…I was given 6 months by my Doctor, I should have died May of 2009…and here I am in November 2009 writing this blog. My doctor is amazed at my progress and the fact that the cyst has slightly shrunk and stopped growing. I still suffer from the occasional headaches, but they are no longer debilitating and the severe shakes are gone. Even today I still continue to do occasional healing work with Robert Zink within the tradition of the Golden Dawn.

It was also around January when I started Miracle Mentoring with Robert Zink. It was through my mentoring sessions that I came back to find my original love and purpose…counseling. I came back to my original profession that I had stepped away from years ago and started working as a substance abuse counselor. It is here that I truly feel I have found my Divine Purpose in life.

It’s funny looking back now on how I was so not interested in meeting this man or how I had formed an opinion without even meeting him. Too often we judge without even experiencing. We allow others to influence us and if we don’t take the time to truly discover for ourselves, we are only hurting ourselves. If we only listen to others and don’t take the time to find out, we are allowing someone else to tell us and they are robbing us of the chance to know ourselves. That discovery, decision and choice are yours and yours alone to realize and make. Too often we have this vision how of how we “think” someone should be and when we feel they don’t meet our expectation, then we become bitter and vain or we cast judgment.

I believe anyone who calls someone a hypocrite for falling short of “Their” expectations is really the hypocrite. I say that because in one way or another…we are all broken and imperfect in our own way and yet we imagine that were not. We all lead lives of imperfection and we try to make more of ourselves and some strive for a higher purpose and sometimes we fall short of our goals. I don’t believe falling short is a failure, but a chance from God to learn more about ourselves.

We tend to cling to this idea of a perfect life laid out by what others tell us is perfect or by what we see on TV or read in a book. We cling to it and we start to make unreal expectations of others and we cling to this idea that our leaders should embody this vision of what we think a perfect life “Should Be”. If we expect our leaders and teachers to live on this higher moral plain then the rest of us, then we are just asking to be deceived.

I say this to you now, learn for yourself. If you are looking for a positive spiritual path, seek it out and discover for yourself. Experience it and judge for yourself. I would like to take this time to thank once again the Esoteric Order of the Golden Dawn for teaching me and showing me an amazing spiritual path. To thank Robert Zink for opening himself up and training me to heal and to working with other Adepts within the order in the process of helping to heal me.

Make the decision based on your experience, not the experience of others.

Waiting for Inspiration and Creativity

            First off let me tell you…I have been blessed in this life. I have been blessed with a loving family, parents and siblings who have stood by me in good times and bad. I have been blessed with friends who I would consider more brothers and sisters who have been with me through hard times and wearisome dealings. I have been blessed to have found teachers who take the time to teach me and guide me down the path of love, truth and knowledge. I have been blessed to discover I am a servant of light, a guardian of the innocent and to discover the combination of the two…a light in the darkness which has been blessed with the opportunity to lead others from darkness into the light. A servant of God….I am a magician.

            I was blessed a few years back to meet someone who helped awaken the drive to do great and wonderful things again in me. For so long I had lost my drive to do anything of a spiritual nature. For so long I found myself angry at God for what was happening in my life. Then I realized God blessed me with meeting someone who helped me find the fire within my soul again. I had met someone who helped me find my own path into a higher purpose by showing me a magical order….Esoteric Order of the Golden Dawn.

 http://www.golden-dawn.org/ 

      My time here has been well spent to say the least. The Golden Dawn has helped me find a “Road Map” if you will to a higher purpose. A system of magic that is not only designed to transform me into a better human, but to teach & guide me along the path and by doing that…I am helping the world around me. Through this personal alchemical process I am growing and changing. By my changing for the better and understanding what it means to love, serve and give to others without expectation of return…to give unconditional love is the greatest gift one can give to another.

            However sometimes on our path to find our place in the universe, connect with our higher self, find enlightenment or whatever you want to call it, we slip and fall or we hit road blocks. My first major road block came when I had to learn the hard way that it is a blessing to be a member of a magical community and have others like you around to help you, but in the end this quest is a personal one…and we must at times walk alone.  Never start to become dependent on others to motivate you.

            This work is a very personal thing and sometimes you must work alone. I myself got into the habit of holding off on doing work because I was waiting to go over to another member’s house so I could do some work with them. I was putting off what needed to be done today because I felt more comfortable working with others. I was blessed with having friends in the grade and higher grades to work with, but it may not always be that way. The higher up members I worked with who took me under their wings became extremely busy in their own personal work and those who truly needed the assistance, so I found myself not doing all the work I should be doing, because I was alone. Then all the others I had moved up through the grades with or had joined with did not move up with me or for their own reasons, went and sought another path.

          So I found myself re-motivating myself again… and it's been a blessing. I feel more in tune with the current and my own higher self because I don't wait to do the work, I know what needs to be done. This is my word to you all…do not wait for inspiration or motivation…find it within. If you’re the type of person who is always waiting to be led or told what to do…then you need to dig. You need to find what drives you and what inspires you to do great and wonderful things in this world. What motivates you to make something more of yourself, to be more and to strive for more. What is your Divine Purpose?  

          I also found myself setting unreal expectation upon those I saw as my teachers. Friends I tell you this now…no one is perfect…including me. I found myself getting frustrated with the leaders of the order. Then a very wise set of teachers reminded me of something I had already known…that no one person is the order and if I allow someone the power to anger me or discourage me, then I am allowing others to influence my spiritual path. I am letting someone else in the drivers set on my spiritual path that is not me and is not God. The lessons as of late have reminded me…do what you know is right and just. Do the work and continue to grow and learn as you progress down the path.

There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of experimentation.  "Failures" are as much a part of the process as "success." Do not be afraid of the setbacks and the road blocks ahead. The frailties, fears, and inflexibilities of my mind and body are gates to my freedom; passing through them ignites the fire of self knowledge.

I Believe ... That we are responsible for what We do, no matter how we feel.  I Believe... That either you control your attitude or it controls you.  I Believe… That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but, we are responsible for who we become. I Believe... That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you -you will find the strength to help.

So this is what I say to you all….find the fire and find your divine purpose. For me I found it within the within myself with the help of the amazing teachers at the Esoteric Order Of the Golden Dawn. They have helped me to realize the better parts of myself and to embrace the change that is happening throughout my alchemical procedure. So I say again to you…find the inspiration within…stop waiting for it to find you.

What's your demon? What's your nightmare?

What wakes you up in the middle of the night - not in fear but in the threshing buzz of low-grade panic?

The dread of being alone? Of getting older? Of illness? Of death? Of being unable to help alleviate the sadness of those close to you?

I have a friend, a woman I consider one of the blessings in my life, who is facing a whole bunch of those nightmares right now. Her nightmares are sitting there at the kitchen table with her. Maybe you know her; maybe you are her. Many of us have been where she is, in the dark night of the soul, at some point, but when you are inside the tumble and hiss of the bad time, it is almost impossible to imagine rescue or survival.

But we, more or less, survive. Either the worst happens, or it doesn't. We brush up against the savage edge of loss and cut ourselves, counting ourselves lucky to have been only scarred, only mangled.

Because there are worse possibilities: those times when you can't back away and you can't move out of range; the edge saws away until it can no longer be borne.

Or change the image. The hurricane that obliterates everything in its path goes through a place we once thought safe as if to teach one lesson: Nowhere is safe. At least not forever. At least not all the time. Happy times and bad times move through our lives like the weather. There are accurate predictions to be made, but there is nothing to be done when a force of nature moves in. You can see the horizon darkening, but whether you run to it or flee from it, you cannot change what will happen. You are stuck in that moment of time, with only yourself and your faith in the Lord as your shelter.

So what is there to say when someone you love is deep inside that storm?

Or change the image again: What is there to say when a friend is playing a part in a great tragedy, on a stage too removed, too terrible and too awesome for you to offer help? You can't shout out lines because the script is not yours to invent; you can't offer to replace her in the part because it is not your role. What is there to say that does not trivialize pain by offering sentimentality or that does not show disrespect by offering mere palliatives?

What I want to say to my friend is this: I honor you and love you as you move through this time. Not as a martyr or saint full of gracious sorrow, but as a fighter, as a warrior, as someone engaged in a contest for her soul, as someone who refuses to surrender to despair or to plot a coward's escape.

And I would remind her of an old story:

Late one night, three demons decided to ambush a woman who lived alone. The three demons were manifestations of her worst nightmares: fear, anxiety, and despair. They made a racket, breaking things, ruining what she held dear, disfiguring what she cherished. Gleefully, they spent hours immersed in their rampage. They were enormously confident because they figured she was all alone and past her first youth, so why should they stop?"

They went at it for hours, into the darkest part of midnight. The woman they were tormenting was almost inconsequential; the destruction of her world had little to do with her.

When she started to build a fire at the hearth, therefore, they barely glanced over. But the demons became more thoroughly distracted when they noticed her busily setting out a kettle.

Wary now, they ratcheted up their activities. When she calmly set out three cups nevertheless, they stopped in their tracks. Her hands weren't even shaking. She looked calm, if weary.

"What are you doing?" they cried in unison, breathless from their tasks of destruction. "We are everything in the world that is against you. Why are you boiling water and setting out dishes?"

The woman stared at them and tolerantly shook her head as she opened the cupboard. "I know all of you by now. You've been here before, and you'll be here again. You might as well make yourselves at home."

Raising one eyebrow and fully meeting their gaze without rancor, wholly in possession of herself, she asked familiarly, "What kind of tea would you like?"

A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.

 -Albert Einstein: